“I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.
Revelation 3:15‭-‬16 NKJV

Mommy called , my speech slurs and mid way , she asks , “are you okay , are you keeping warm , are you in bed,?” She was beginning to get worried. I suffer from hypothermia , basically a condition where the body cannot retain heat and when it’s getting too bad, my speech slurs , I begin to speak faster than usual and gasp.

Often, I keep a hot water bottle under my duvet , and trying to moderate the heat supply , I have it in and out , because extremeties are not good for the system either , my veins begin to swell. My feet , though in heavy socks , wrapped in a throw blanket and tucked in my duvet , were still shivering, then got numb and couldn’t feel them anymore. My lungs contracting and a sudden severe migraine.

My body takes time to get heated and does not retain heat for long , and being in a region that I find extremely cold , or maybe it’s my system, I try to  remain responsible with my health , I always try to stay heated. Before I leave the house , I make sure I have a hot water bottle, umbrella , gloves , chocolate chip cookies, and chocolate candies , that is me being extra on trying to stay warm , but did you know fat generates heat , and the fat in chocolate ain’t as bad as we’ve all thought it is ?

Morning came , sad about the chilly weather because my bones were now responding to it , I began reflecting on my relationship with God. I remembered the verse in Revelation 3:15-16 , the lukewarm being vomited , and I thought , how do you avoid the risk of being vomited, and the Holy Spirit, being our great teacher , responded , “stay heated.”

But how do we stay heated? ” Remain in constant Communion with God”, He said and reminded me of John 15:5-6
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.
John 15:5‭-‬6 NKJV

That also means , we cannot produce “spiritual heat ” , if we do not abide in Him , if we do not stay in constant communion with God , if we do not abide by the branch .
So , are you hot , cold or lukewarm?

Remember, if you are hot , for you to retain the heat , you have to stay heated.



The first step of building intimacy with the one you love , is surrender, losing yourself to the one you love. It is a two way thing , then and only then will both of you enjoy intimacy.

Building intimacy with God requires surrender , total surrender. He has always been open and ready to build an intimate relationship with us and now it’s on us to step in or out. Intimacy with God means BECOMING. Becoming one with God and like God. That is why He prophesied in His creation to have a man after His own image , and because He word had to come true , He still pursued us when we fell into sin , He payed the highest price to have us back into an intimate relationship with Him , His only son Jesus.

As if that was not enough , He sent us the Holy Spirit to teach us all truth and in process teach us intimacy , truth of God builds intimacy with God.

He has been pursuing me and I believe it is time I stay , it is time for Revelation 3:12 to be fulfilled.
Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, which is new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new name.
Revelation 3:12 KJV

we(I) can’t keep moving in and out of our intimacy with God ,but staying means surrender, letting go the world , letting my need to use His gifts in me for my gain and not His glory , using them to be seen , to be heard , to be sought-after .

Surrender means we are recognizing that He is God ,all sovereign , above us , and without Him we are nothing. Recognizing that everything was created by Him for Him , including we , you and I , recognizing that when all is gone , all , systems , religion , family , work , “spiritual assignments” only He and only He will remain standing.

Wanting more in your relationship with God means letting go more of you . Old wine cannot be mixed with new wine and neither can first Adam coexist with second Adam. We have built ourselves deep on our own foundations that we don’t trust God’s foundation and we view intimacy with God as “death” , well, it’s actually death , dying to self and coming alive in Him.

I have had my own battles in this relationship, but am staying , I choose surrender, because when all else fails , I will be with Him. Though hard , I still choose surrender, will you ?


No! I cannot!

“You are my answered prayer. Just the big sister I needed, the mentor, and someone I can look up to”, she said tears lingering and my eyes stuck on hers.
If you know Hilda, you know she can be a good crying companion, but today, she failed. I was emotionally absent. ” I need your help. Please teach me how to pray “, she added.

Just like the disciples who had been with Jesus but felt they did not know how to pray and asked Jesus to teach them how to, so did Esther *, except she was asking the wrong person like we all do or once have.

Like most, I was to be excited that a young Christian was asking me how to pray, but my mind for some seconds drifted to my relationship with God and I said, ” I am sorry but no, I cannot”, then chuckled and immediately took her hand into mine.

“Relationships are different dear, and so are our relationships with God” the tears that had been held for long now flowed, not responding to hers but gratitude to God because I had overcome the temptation of being the Holy Spirit, the revealer of truths, the temptation of becoming the teacher by teaching her how to do her relationship with God.

Aren’t we always quick to fix people’s relationships with God? Our relationship with God differs from one person to the other, just the way earthly relationships differ. I cannot impose my way of doing my relationship with God on anyone else.

“I will tell you one thing though, be as authentic as possible”, I said, looking at her exhibiting spiritual vulnerability and how if not careful, the enemy would have used it against her.
Isn’t this one way through which we lose young Christians? Thinking we are helping them when we are creating them, gods, we. We become their point of reference, which can be good if we are doing as Paul said, ” follow me as I follow Christ”.

We are to grow into the full nature of Jesus Christ, not our pastors, our prophets, and so on. So what happens when we backside? Will they not begin to think probably the way to pray we taught them is a failure in the end? That it only lasts as long as it can?

“You will enjoy your relationship with God and prayer if the Holy Spirit teaches you, not me”, I concluded.


Perfect love casts out fear!

🎶Into the deep
I will go with you
Submerge my feet
To my head in all of you
As your presence falls
I’m drowned in your love
Immerse me, oh immerse me
Immerse me, immerse me, lord
Oh, immerse me, lord🎶

This part of the lyrics of a song I love , “into the deep” by citipointe , has been a part of me since I first heard the song, but in the past few 3-5 weeks , it has been a silent prayer I make often. Being someone who is aunthentic , most assume I fear nothing , but fear has gripped my heart for years , and my greatest fear is the fear of HUMAN BEINGS . Yes , human beings scare me more than the most deadly things .

So one , surprised once asked , “how so yet you build the most beautiful friendships?” Should I say I’ve learnt to mask it ? I don’t know!

Recently, my feet numb, my heart so scared , I cried , “God am scared , so scared !” This was the first time I was talking to God about it verbally. I cried,and cried and cried and cried. This fear was beginning to ruin my life in ways no one knew. The fear turned to hate , hate that no one knew about. My inner self began wasting away because of fear. I now understand when the word says in 1st John 4:18 that fear torments , I was , and I nursed migraines.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18 KJV

“You aren’t fully surrendered to my love “, God , “you fear surrender , because surrender brought you sorrow before , because you view surrender to love as letting go the guard of your heart. You hate love , and that means you hate Me because I am Love. You have been comparing my love to other “loves” , human beings , and that’s why it has been hard for you to surrender to my love.”

” My love is perfect because it is not conditional, my love is perfect because it does not hurt , my love is perfect because it does not break , it heals ,it perfects , it casts out fear , rest in my love , find peace in my love , hide in my love , “

Did He need to say more? 🥺

” I forgot how to surrender Abba , please teach your child once again , I really want to , but I don’t know how,” I responded , my heart heavy.

I believe , perfect love does cast out fear , and I also now believe , that I fear because I have not been made perfect in love . Surrender to PERFECT LOVE is a big task for me , but step by step with Jesus is all I am doing , and I am healing , I am finding peace , I am finding rest. This is perfect love.




I woke up my heart so heavy concerning my relationship with God. My spirit disturbed, my mind blazed ,my heart troubled and my whole trembling. Every day , in our different relationships ,more of us is needed , more patience , extending more grace , more understanding , more commitment. This is the same thing in our relationship with God , we keep singing and praying for more of Him , yet we are not willing to give Him more of us.

We say it is hard giving Him more of us and expect Him to understand , He may understand, but if there is anyone who knows what it means to sacrifice then it’s Him. He sacrificed all of Him ,all , all, all , for us , yet we give Him just bits of us and justify our actions with , “I am only human”.

We love to recite Psalms 23 .
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: And I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
Psalm 23:1‭-‬6 KJV

Are we sure , “we shall not want” ? Every day our actions prove that God is not enough for us . His presence is not enough so we cannot stay in the quiet without a worship song or a book to read , we must have “additives”. We are not contended in Him , we still want more , more from Him , Him meeting our needs , healing us , promoting us at the place of work , protecting our children . It’s like in relationship with Him it’s only He who is supposed to give. It’s like He is supposed to keep “giving” for us to consider Him enough.

Although we value what He did on the cross , we still don’t find it ENOUGH. So we keep pursuing other things alongside our relationship with God. Depending on how you do it , He is the “side hustle” or your pursuits are yet He says , seek ye the Kingdom first and ALL these things shall be added unto you. Do you know we are just going to keep running in life with need to be “comfortable” , because we are trying to play God.

The therapists , psychologists and the great speakers have often told us , ” you are enough” ,so we keep saying to ourselves , ” I am enough” , unfortunately, this MIGHT , have helped us psychologically and other areas of ourselves , spiritually, it has made us create gods out of ourselves , and God is no longer enough for us because we are enough.

If He took away your good health , everything you are currently pursuing , will you still sing , “the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want “?


🎶I am not enough , unless you come
Would You meet me here again.
Cos all I want is all You are
Would You meet here again🎶


God or His vessels?

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:
Exodus 20:4 KJV

Something has been bugging me concerning God and the vessels He uses and the people He ministers to through the vessels.

In a congregation, when a minister/vessel of God calls out your name you respond so fast and even run , and do whatever he or she asks you to do as a “command ” from God. If God asked you , in your room , or wherver place you were,  to do the same thing , would you quickly respond and say “Yes God ” and actually do it  or you’ll immediately confuse Him with , “just random thoughts”?

Why is it that when a “higher” authority points out sin in us we are quick to repent yet when the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin we easily confuse Him with the enemy trying to condem us ?

We revere vessels of God and not God Himself. Ever noticed how you really think through your words before approaching a vessel of  God yet coming to God, you just come and blub and leave like a senior student addressing a junior ?

Why are we exalting vessels higher than the potter ? When did the students become greater than the teacher ?
The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be LIKE their teacher.
Luke 6:40 NIV

The key word is like , it does not say he becomes the master. Are we students wanting to become the masters and not like the master?

Are our spiritual lives stuck or confused  because we are worshipping the vessel and not the Potter ?

“Gather together and come; assemble, you fugitives from the nations. Ignorant are those who carry about idols of wood, who pray to gods that cannot save.
Isaiah 45:20 NIV

The word says we have been assigned angels to serve us , but it does not say because they serve us then our next “posting” is the throne.
Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?
Hebrews 1:14 NIV

If you fear the servants/vessels of God more than you fear God, you have made yourself an idol in the image of a thing on earth and that is called idol worshipping, simply put , you’re committing idolatry.

We adore and even share messages preached by vessels of God we love or come across yet we can’t get into the source of the word Himself ? It’s like saying , ” God your word is better for me coming from your vessel than directly from you”, see the things we are doing to God in the name of “honouring” men of God?

So who are we worshipping? God or His vessels?


Got gods?

Even introverts know loneliness. Surprising , right  ,because it is believed they prefer being alone to social gatherings or rather , around people. You know what that means , they prefer being around other things to being around humans for long.

I had a dream, one that I don’t remember most parts but I remember one thing, so clearly, like it’s the only thing that happened in the dream. God gave me a word , Hosea 2:14 .

Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.
Hosea 2:14 KJV

I am one of those labelled introverts, but I’d like to believe I’m an ambivert, no , I don’t know , and at least that is  not colossus , because you know what, my identity is not tied in any of that , neither is yours.

So I woke up , checked the verse and my pulse rate hit crazy high. Whenever God speaks , He means business, He pursues His word to make sure it accomplishes it’s purpose , and yes , that is why I was scared. Remember in Isaiah when He asked Isaiah to walk nude ? Check Isaiah 20.

Back to introverts, I like being around people, but not for long , and we said , if introverts are not with other people then they are with things . Some with ink and paper , some by the river , some with movies , paint and canvas and so on , and some , with space !

I got idols , yes , I do , and one of them is my space , I love my space more than I love God , and I feel uncomfortable sometimes when He invades it . You now probably think I don’t talk God , I do , more than I talk to myself , well, ranting most of  the time. When God gets into “your” space , it means things are going to change and we all know how change is hard no matter how much we want it , and yes , this is another reason why I was scared.  Change was about to take place.

I have never felt so lonely as an “introvert”. I have never viewed “my” space as a god until God lured me into the wilderness. The wilderness is lonely without God , so you either let Him in or you die in it. I didn’t have a choice because He lured me here. Where He comfortably talked to me , and I got the message , I got gods!

I pray , through the strength that Christ provides , I let go the label “my space ” and begin to call it , OUR SPACE , God and I.

So wanna ask something, got gods?


Are you present?

23:50 p.m , tossing and turning. A few things in my mind , my relationship with God, Jackie Hill Perry’s book HOLIER THAN THOU devotional that I just started, a conversation in the midmorning with a friend.

Seems my mind wasn’t going to shut , so I turned, picked my phone ,00:00 . Needed to check something in Hebrews but ended up in a devotional I had missed ,DAY BY DAY by Billy Graham , the title of the day’s devotion was , “Get in the word“.

My mind drifted back to the conversation I had with a friend that morning. I said , “it is important to know what God is currently doing in your life, in your relationship with Him. “

Reflecting on my own words , I began to analyze my own relationship with God. Recently , there was tension in my relationship with God, well , just so you know, God is never moved by a tension you cause in your relationship with Him , did I say that right ? Yes I did , and I hope you get it right. We’re never too much for God , that’s what I mean.

I threw tantrums because something wasn’t right in my relationship with Him , had a blame game , only that I was the only one in the game , and I lost even though I was alone in the game. So some think my relationship with God is all rosy 😂, now you know it’s this dramatic 😅, but He is still holding my hand in this journey home , and in this journey home, am resting in His unconditional love.

God was working on something else in my life while I was also working on something else in my life 😅. So later I notice a difference in my heart and spirit response to God , I get mad, I realize, while I was “away” , He built something deeper , something that I feel is beyond me and I don’t know how to handle this new thing in my relationship with Him .

I was absent . There are different seasons in our relationship with God , and if you don’t know what God is doing in your life in that season, rather in your relationship with Him, that season will be a waste. You might also be aware of what He is doing and still be absent .  I am not sure you know the hurt of missing out on God’s presence or working in your life.

So how do we stay present ? We stay in the word , and not as a routine, but with a stirred up desire by the Holy Spirit to stay in constant Communion with God. Remember Adam and Eve being absent from their place of communion with God  ?

And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?
Genesis 3:9 KJV

Well , your place of communion with God is in your heart , mind , soul , body . Remember we are to love God with our ,heart , body , mind and soul ?  Love is worship to God , and love is built through communion.

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
Matthew 22:37 KJV

Just a few questions, do you know what God is currently doing in your relationship with Him? If yes , are you present,? If not , what is keeping you away ?



Many are the promises of God , and PEACE is one of them . He keeps all His promises , including peace. His promises are a pillar we can lean on and peace is a rock we can rest on for His promises are yes and amen.
You may not know peace as a treasure until you lose it.

The previous morning I woke up disturbed, my head hurting from all the thinking and overthinking I had done the entire week. It’s a new week, I hoped to wake up in peace but I had a dream that worsened the state of my mind , I woke up angry because my heart and mind were not at peace. My body has never hurt this much because I don’t have peace, I have never cried this much because I don’t have peace, I have never really, really, really begged God for peace so desperately.

As children of God, people expect us to have it all fixed at all times . Being told that if we lack peace it’s because we have backsliden and therefore no one speaks up when they are struggling with anxiety, panic attacks and so on , but I believe God gave us His word because He knew somewhere in this journey home we would have these moments , moments of fear , moments when we feel like stones existing because the wounds in our minds have numbed us and anxiety crippled us , yes , those moments when our hearts are just so heavy for our lungs and ribs to hold it in place.

I love the fact that God has always been available for me , in my happy moments and sad ones , when am at peace and when am in pieces , when I wake up in a victorious mood jumping allover the house and when I stay coiled in bed crippled by fear and the body can’t move.

I love that God has made His word available for me, to lean on , to live on , to rest on because it is life.
Peace is a promise God keeps .

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7 KJV

God gave me that word in the midst of all the chaos in my heart and mind. May you know peace as a promise , and may it be fulfilled in your life.

May this part in the song , “PEACE ” by Hillsong Young and free bless you.

🎶There’s a peace far beyond all understanding
May it ever set my heart at ease
What anxiety fails to remember
Is peace is a promise You keep
Peace is a promise You keep
You are peace to a restless soul
Peace when my thoughts wage war
Peace to the anxious heart
That’s who You are, that’s who You are
You are peace when my fear takes hold
Peace when I feel enclosed
Peace when I lose control
That’s who You are, that’s who You are
I’ve found peace far beyond all understanding
Let it flow when my mind’s under siege
All anxiety bows in the presence
Of Jesus the Keeper of Peace
And peace is a promise He keeps.🎶


Let the character of Christ in you defend you.

(Careful when you interact with a writer 😂, no, let’s say ,be careful when interacting with someone whose life is a ministry 😂she’ll use every interaction to minister 😂, because in them , it’s not just one , God always has something to teach him/her in their different experiences with different people )
To all my FRIENDS , you know I am not sorry about this 😂

So a colleague came up to me , ” Hilda how are you , I hope you don’t see me as a bad person because of what happened yesterday , am not a bad person , it’s just that you know , by the way am saved and I believe in Jesus Christ . You know even last weekend after fasting I went to have a discussion with some mainstream pastors and we had a deep discussion and I learnt those people don’t teach like Jesus did “

By the end of his last word , the Holy Spirit had already ministered something to me.
After trying to smile softly , he said , ” your eyes have been stuck on me all this time , you know how to maintain eye contact, but am scared , do you doubt what I have told you ?”

I immediately cracked hard 😂, the Hilda way , hitting things and my head up 😂

The Holy Spirit said , “let the character of Christ in you defend you , not your words .”

When the character of Christ is not in you , you will always try to use words to defend your character.

We are letters being read , and not reading ourselves to people. Your character is a reflection of your fellowship with the person in you. Who do you commune with inside ? Yourself or the Holy Spirit ? If it’s you , you spend most time with you will manifest you ,and if it’s the Holy Spirit, He will also manifest in your character.

Can we all just check our characters, Hilda included , who is manifesting in our characters?
As letters being read , what is the content of our letters ?

This was one of the encounters in my journey home , for am on a journey home , I hope to lock eyes one day with my Bride groom . I hope you do.


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